Do you push it?

I returned home from Portland yesterday. It was a lovely trip. I was able to see my lady friends, their parents (mostly), my parents, my grandparents, and my furry little brother, Gromit.

My mom took me to the airport early to make sure that I had enough time to check luggage and all that. It wasn't super busy so we had time to sit and relax before going through security. We used the ladies room upon our arrival and I met a woman who has apparently been living in an underground bunker since 1972.

Most public restrooms that have been remodeled in any form have upgraded to water saving faucets, toilets, and hand dryers. I think any human being living in the United States understands this fact.

Well...every human being minus one. This lady stood over the faucet and, looking perplexed, pushed hard on the hand sensor to make the water turn on. Then she would hold her hands under the faucet and wait. Then she would push it again. "Why won't this work?" she asked generally to herself and me since I was next to her.

"It's a sensor sink. You have to hold your hands in the right place."

So she put her hands under the faucet again and then pushed the top of the sensor and then she gave up. She then moved to the next sink over and repeated.

"No. You need to activate the sensor."

"Sensor?" she replied.

"Yeah..." I said and went over to her sink and held my hand in front of the sensor so she could wash her hands.

"Oh, you have to hold your hand there the whole time."

No, I thought, but instead I nodded like she was right.

Had she never seen such a contraption? Never had a toilet flush while she sat on it? Never been to the movies and had the water suddenly turn on without her having to even touch anything? Hogwash. I am speakin' devil speak. No such thing exists!

Then she went over the paper towel dispenser and started waving her hands under that. Which, surprisingly, gave her no towels. Then she started to reach WAAAAAAAAAY deep inside to locate the towels. That dispenser was out. Any human being could have seen that. I noticed it right off. Why? Because I am a normal person with eyes.

I did not help her with the towels. If she was that dumb then God must have wanted her to remain damp.